Raising the Bar on Date Nights

The prince and I decided before we were even married (in 1998!) that we would make weekly date nights a priority. That much we got right. We carved out one evening a week to spend together and guarded it diligently. If an outside event interfered, we rescheduled our date. However, we never planned what we would do.  It usually degenerated into: “What do you want to do?”  “I don’t know, what do you want to do?”

We got away with that for a while. In the excitement of young love, we were happy simply sitting on the couch and talking, going for a walk & talking or rolling a ball (with a floating fish inside) back & forth on the floor & talking (that game got an added dimension when we added kitties to our “castle”–they play with the ball as much as we do!). But as time went on and stresses grew, the relationship-building impact of our date nights began to slip.  Conversations became more one-sided.  The element of fun dwindled. We needed something more.

However, there were significant limitations on what we could do. Food allergies make going out to eat nigh unto impossible. I feel spiritually sick after most movies. And neither of us are socialites or sports enthusiasts. We need some creativity here!

Enter “Project 52 Date Nights“.

Here’s a challenge to plan each date, to make it a special occasion, and to take turns taking responsibility for the evening. The site also gives examples of very creative dates to get ideas flowing.

In July of 2010 showed my prince the “contract”, commenting that I’d be interested in trying something similar. Much to my surprise, a few days later he said that he’d like to sign the “contract” as it stood under two conditions:
1) we start the following month (August) and
2) I take the planning for the first month.

It’s a deal!

Below you will see the results of our adventure, described in enough detail to give you a leg-up on planning your own creative dates .  You might want to”begin at the beginning” and see how things progressed.

Let the fun begin!

Let Your Face Shine

You are the light of the world…
Let your light shine before men
-Matthew 5:14, 16

That begins at home.

You are the light of your Sweetheart’s world.
Let your light shine!

Yes, it does refer to good deeds,
to kindness, patience and all the virtues.
But it has a more literal application too.

The Lord said to Moses,
“Say to Aaron and his sons,
Thus you shall bless the people of Israel:
you shall say to them,
The Lord bless you and keep you:
The Lord make His Face to shine upon you,
and be gracious to you:
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
and give you peace.
So shall they invoke My Name upon the Israelites,
and I will bless them
-Numbers 6:22-27 (emphasis added)

The blessing God extended to His people
was to let His Face shine upon them.
That’s the heart of what we need.
We need someone’s face
to shine upon us–
to light up over us!

You have that light–
better,
you are that light.

You need to shine–
first and foremost, to shine on that beloved soul
the good God has entrusted to you
that you might help him/her get to Heaven!

Your sweetheart needs to see you light up
over him/her
no matter how long you’ve been together.

That doesn’t just happen,
especially as disappointments, hurts and irritations multiply.
That’s why Jesus had to command us to shine.
He knew it wouldn’t always come naturally.

Lighting up is a choice.
It requires a concerted orientation of mind:

your thoughts should be wholly directed
to all that is true, all that deserves respect,
all that is honest, pure, admirable,
decent, virtuous, or worthy of praise.
-Philippians 4:8

Your beloved, however flawed,
is delightful!
Hunt for that delight.
Go deep-sea-diving if you have to
but find it
and dwell on it.

You, of all people,
are the best qualified and the best equipped
to find the treasure God’s hidden in your beloved.

If it helps, imagine what you would miss about him/her
if they got into an accident that day
and never came home (it happens).

Ask God to take you up into His delight in him/her.

Another challenge can be simply getting your sweetheart’s attention.
If they don’t notice you,
they won’t notice that you’re shining
(and it makes it harder to shine…).

Watch for opportunities.
My best time to shine is usually when my prince returns,
when I drop whatever I’m doing to fly into his arms
for a hug and a kiss.

I pull back just enough that I can see his face,
look into his eyes,
and beam!

Sometimes I add three happy little bounces,
just for the fun of it .

No matter how my day’s gone or how I feel,
that gets the evening off to a good start!

And although we have no children,
so I can’t speak from direct experience,
it makes sense that they need someone’s face to shine on them too!

Thinking Cap Date

A priest friend recently sent us a couple of logic puzzles he’d devised for our amusement.
In preparation for using them, I cobbled together a couple of “thinking caps”
out of brown paper & masking tape to set the atmosphere
(chuckling to myself that I ought to make “feeling caps” out of something warm & fuzzy
for occasions when emotions aren’t so obvious )

My prince chose the puzzle about mushrooms–
trying to pick out a pair based on a series of clues.
Armed with popcorn with our thinking caps on, we dug in,

and after a process of elimination we came down to two pairs.
We couldn’t eliminate either of them.
So…my prince started over with a different method.
We got the same answer.
Finally we checked the “real” answer
and realized we’d been misinterpreting one of the clues.
And that was that for the night.

The next day my prince came home with a sleeve of flowers–
maybe I’d have more success arranging those.

I did .

How sweet!

Rubber Ball Marble-Go-Down Date

My creativity was on a low ebb this week. It’d been another rough weekend & I wasn’t sure what would go over well, so I kept things basic. We’d found super balls (party favors) at a dollar store that are actually small enough to fit our marble-go-down (once I propped up the top track a little with a piece of toothpick), so we gave those their “maiden voyage” (with our usual popcorn on the side) after a meal of meatballs.

I liked the colors.

My prince liked the lack of clatter!

The kitties liked the novelty.

Mostly we used the time to talk about our early years & what had worked then to enrich our relationship. My prince lamented our meager social life–which is saying a lot for an introvert! It was God’s timing that not long after a couple we know invited us to stop over at their place for lunch after Mass!

Cube Date

Yes, I married a mathematician!
As I was putting the finishing touches on supper, I received the following email invitation:

Let’s have a (date)^3!

For tonight, we’ll talk and dine on the cubic theme… cubic meat (meatloaf, perhaps), cubic potatoes (if any are left), etc… and talk of cubic things (based on the mood cubes).

Be there, or be cubed!

Love you, Sweetie!

Love always,
Your Prince

Ok, time to raid the freezer! The meal I’d made would be fine for his lunch the next day. Yes, we did have meatloaf…and yellow squash that I’d cubed before freezing.
Cube some potatoes for raw fries & we’re in business (good thing my prince has an hour commute!).

My prince had a few things to look up before we started our date proper,
so I worked on my filet crochet (not quite cubes, but squares, anyway!).

I need 5 yards of this stuff (at about an inch an hour),
so I’m trying to make the most of every spare moment!

Then we got out the conversation cubes.

The pink ones complete the phrase “I feel” & the green ones, “I need.”
My prince picked a cube at random & we talked about what would cause that feeling or need & just what we meant by it. At one point my price specifically picked the cube indicating “I need space” & asked why I’d even made it–when would it ever be true? He regularly feels the need for space, but it seems like I never do (as a childless homemaker, I tend to get more space than I really want). I admitted it was rare, & talked about the few circumstances where I have felt the need to get away.

In the midst of this I remembered that the plenary indulgence for praying at a cemetery was still available (every day from Nov 1-8, with the usual conditions) & asked if my prince wanted to take advantage of it. He did, so we bundled out into the night and drove to the nearest cemetery, hoping nobody would mind that we were there after dark (it gets dark so early this time of year!).
We made every one of the 8 days this year.
Rest in peace, dear Holy Souls .

By the time we got back my prince was ready for an early bedtime, so we called it a night.

All Hallow’s Eve Date

Silly me–I was racking my brain for a date idea, completely oblivious to the fact that it was All Hallow’s Eve! I’ve always loved dressing up! And I love the idea of celebrating All Hallow’s Eve as the vigil of All Saints’ Day (and All Soul’s Day, since the two go together)–the All Saints’ Day equivalent of Christmas Eve. I’d collected a bunch of ideas years ago, so I went to my stash & sent my prince an email at school (work):

Hi Precious ,

Since our date falls on All Hallow’s Eve, let’s take our own advice &
reclaim the night . I’d like to pray for the holy souls in a cemetery if
we can manage while one is still open (preferably before dark–
maybe old St. Hedwig’s?).

Please dress as a saint (your cassock should give you plenty of options )
& be prepared to tell your story so I can guess who you are!
We’ll go from there .

Love you!

God bless

Love,
_|_
Your Princess|

I then cobbled together some “soul cakes” (normally these are donuts but we can’t have those, so I made some donut-shaped oat shortbread),

put together a quick costume & composed the following clue:

I must pass through the door of the dead tonight
all bedecked in my finery best
so to keep sacred tryst in the forest
with a saint and his brotherhood blest.

I was dressed in my best, holding a palm (it’d been folded into a cross) in one hand and pebbles in the other.

As soon as my date arrived, we headed for the cemetery (some close at nightfall) & on the way I recited my clue. He knew right away that I was St. Clare (my favorite saint!). On Palm Sunday morning, Clare had remained behind in her pew when everyone else processed forward to receive a palm. The bishop had personally come to her & handed her one (hence my palm). It’s thought that this was his sign of approval for the plan she & St. Francis had worked out for that night. Then, when everyone else was asleep, she’d dressed in her best & passed through the door of the dead, the door of an Italian home which was only used when carrying out corpses–once you passed through that door you never returned (it had the added advantage of being unguarded, but since it was so rarely used it became a sort of storeroom, with all sorts of stuff piled in front of it–people later said Clare must’ve had supernatural strength to have gotten enough stuff out of the way to have opened it at all!). She met up with a chaperon in the street, and hurried to meet St. Francis and his friars, who were awaiting her with lighted torches in the forest. They led her to the Portiuncula, where St. Francis cut her long golden hair, received her vows as the first Poor Clare nun (they were called the Poor Ladies at the time), gave her a rough habit to wear and took her to the local Benedictine convent for her novitiate (the story goes on from there). The pebbles I carried represented the fact that as a child, St. Clare would count her Pater Nosters (Our Fathers) on pebbles (the rosary as we know it hadn’t been developed yet).

So…that was my costume and my story.

When we arrived at the cemetery, we walked in a little way and named a little litany of the people we’ve known or heard of who’ve died over the past year or so: my prince’s principal, a friend’s father, fellow parishioners, priests, students’ parents…a longer list than I’m used to! We prayed the traditional

Eternal rest grant unto them O Lord
and let perpetual light shine upon them.
May the souls of the faithful departed,
by the mercy of God, rest in peace

and my prince recited the de Profundis (Psalm 130–I knew a slightly different translation & joined in falteringly).

I love the fact that, as a Catholic, cemeteries are friendly places, not scary ones. This is holy ground, specially blessed as a resting place for those who’ve gone before us.

Once we returned, my prince changed into his cassock & surplice and posed with a crucifix, saying that he kept his eyes downcast, the better to see the things of Heaven.

I’d sort of figured he’d dress up as St. Aloysius Gonzaga (one of his favorite saints)!

We ate by candlelight (atmosphere ) made popcorn (like the clouds of Heaven?) and then went right into a saint scavenger hunt. I had a long list of saint symbols & wanted to see how many of them we could find around the house.

I got pictures of some of them:

Agatha: tongs

Peter, Zita, Genevieve: keys

Martin de Porres: broom

Brigid of Kildare, Perpetua & Felicity: cow (loose next to the road on our way to & from the cemetery!)

Rose of Lima, Therese of Lisieux: rose (on the garland in the doorway & on the mini rose plant my prince got me a while back)

Vigilius of Trent: shoes

Teresa of Avila, Anne, Anthony of Padua, Augustine of Hippo, Boniface, Bridget of Sweden, Catherine of Alexandria, Ignatius of Loyola, Isidore of Seville, Jerome, John the Evangelist, Lawrence of Rome, Luke, Mark, Oda of Scotland, Paul the Apostle, Ursicinus: book

Urban of Langres: grapes
Alfred the Great, Catherine of Alexandria, Catherine of Ricci, Dymphna, Elizabeth of Portugal, Gertrude of Nivelles, Helena, Louis IX of France, Oda of Scotland, Sebastian: crown

Agnes: lamb

Mark, Daniel, Ignatius of Antioch, Jerome, Vitus: Lion

Philip Neri: cat

Blaise, Genevieve: candle

Peter, Vitus: rooster

Elizabeth of Hungary: pitcher

John the Evangelist: kettle

Ambrose, Augustine of Hippo, David of Wales, Gregory the Great, John Chrysostom, Thomas Aquinas, Zachary: dove

Augustine of Hippo, James, son of Zebedee: shell

Bartholomew the Apostle: knife

My prince tired of the game before I did,
so moved on to pray the Dies Irae (his choice of translations) & talk a bit about Heaven.

I trust the Holy Souls in Purgatory benefited .

I did .

Smiley Ball Date

We had a socially exhausting weekend…my prince just wanted a quiet night at home to sit & talk, so we planned a typical “roll the ball across the floor & talk” evening.

To spruce it up a little, I asked if he could bring home the smiley nerf ball
I’d seen in his room at school (I think it was from some morale-booster project).

Note the little ears behind the green blanket!

Of course, any time we bring in something new, the kitties are interested.

 

 

 

 

They provided the entertainment for the evening!

That was good, as the conversation was on the heavy side. My prince had some serious discernment in progress & needed to think out loud with me.

We ended the evening by swapping back rubs, which did us both good!

Bonkers For You Date

My prince planned this date. At school, he created & sent me this invitation:

Unfortunately, the internet seems to have eaten it–he had to resend it (I think it was on his private internet account) after he got home! (He wondered why I hadn’t mentioned it…) That’s ok . I got the message later than he planned, but I still got it!

He was referring, of course, to our special date-night version of the board game “Bonkers” (down loadable, editable copies of our Bonkers cards can be found here: Bonkers).

We had to be a little more creative than usual in setup because I have a couple of craft projects all over the coffee table (oops!). My prince pressed an ottoman into service, we added a TV tray (and, of course, our usual bowls of popcorn!) & were in business.

What we hadn’t quite expected was that this new setup would attract kitty involvement! Mittens was looking for attention. We’ve called her “bonky Mitts” for quite some time because of her characteristic head-butt (bonk) version of affection, but I’d never quite put the play on words together before! And she was in one of her freaky moods, rolling on the floor & meowing. Bonkers Kitty! I was too slow with the camera to catch that, but when my prince tossed her a die, she was happy to play.

The trouble was, she didn’t stop there!

She lurked…

When we were busy doing what the cards said, she was helping herself to the “toys” on the board! There was a swipe at the dice. My prince’s playing piece disappeared (to be found on the floor after a brief search). Then she helped herself to a taste of one of the cards…

Crazy cat ! (like I should talk! )

In the meantime, the exchange of hugs, smiles & various forms of touch was lovely . There were lots of back scritches “in the cards” for my prince:

I seemed to get more head stroking (purr like a kitty! ).

I landed on “lose,” which in the standard form of the game is a real downer (you lose a point & a turn), but with this version it just mean that the game lasted longer & that my prince got to treat me to caresses while I waited for my turn to come back.
Maybe I shouldn’t avoid that part of the board so assiduously after all !

The night was still young when we finished (my prince got too many points too fast! ),
so we continued the cuddles as we retired for the night. No complaints on that either!